Thursday Morning in the Park

As dawn breaks over the fast paced world of drinking on a park bench – chatting with the cutting edge of the digitul media world, SEO Tramp finds that the nearby phone box is ringing…

“SEO Tramp here, excuse the noise, the lads are sorting out a whip round for some more bevy.”

“I’ve been liasing with the board of direrctor and we have a few points that we wish to raise with you regarding the work done on our campaign.”

Fucking hell, here we go. Someone’s been reading SEOMoz.

“Now don’t get me wrong, we’re happy with the progress on the rankings”

“Ah, would that be the fact that you now have 5 terms on page one, in a competitive vertical, with high search terms n all that?”

“But we feel that we’re not seeing the benefit and the lads have been having a few discussions”

“Our crack” pot “IT Team have been discussing moving resource in house as they feel they especially” have absolutely no bloody idea what they’re doing “but in reviewing the current back link profile they have a few concerns. Would you mind responding to the following…”

“Sorry mate, missed most of that…guys keep it down”

“We’re concerned that our original target of 10,000 of the dirtiest, spam has not been achieved despite the fact that you’ve had the campaign for over 7 months.”

“It’s like looking after a fine lady…you want to be treating her with a can of Tennants Super rather than Holsten Pils. Quality mate. Quality. Not quantity. Besides, you’ll see that it’s all a good mix, using various tactics i.e Lambrini and Monster Munch for dinner. Can’t always stack all your cans on the best shelf in the offie. Know what I mean.”

“Well I can’t find half the directories that you said we have been submitted to”

“Listen mate. You get a full breakdown of everything I do. If you can’t find it then I suggest you start bloody looking properly. Plus, I take no responsibility for that shit you were doing before I started. Fucks sake.”

“But some are in the wrong category?”

“Ain’t my doing that”

“Well, we’re unhappy that you’ve specified the Domain PageRank of each link and not the actual Page Rank. We’re thinking of resourcing all our dirty link strategy in house so that we can get as many PR12 links as possible. “

“Good luck contacting NASA with that one”

“and some of the links are not in what we consider the best place”

“It’s not a perfect world. Internet less so. I’ve been doing this game for a while mate and let me tell you something, I…hang on a sec….Didn’t you say that you were happy with the ranking performance?”

“What? Oh yes.”

“and that you’re non brand organic traffic, quotes and conversions are steadily increasing – as detailed in every bloody report I get sent to you?”

“err yes but…”

“and that you still haven’t implemented the recommendations that I told you to do months ago. You know the ones – which would remove the duplicate pages and canonical issue, look to improve the CTR of your site and get you more traffic…those changes been done yet?”

“Well we’re discussing that as an internal resource problem but…”

“So let me get this straight. You’re questioning all the work that I’ve recommended or done on your website rather than actually focusing on doing what I’ve told you?”

“Well we feel that….”

“You feel that you’ve read a few blogs and want to cut you’re costs because some cocky shit has decided this lark’s all really easy. That’s what you’ve decided.”

“I’m putting you in touch with Spinning Danny at Shit & Click Media. Now fuck off and stop wasting my time.”

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